Do You Have These Two Characteristics?
I got married late in life. It wasn’t the first time I said, “I do.”
I was about to turn 50 when we ran off to the courthouse in Houston. That was fourteen years ago.
People talk about how hard it is to find love — especially later in life. It is if you say it is.
I believe it is possible — and I’m living it.
Different Kinds of Love
Love at this age is better than ever. Why? Because at 50+, you have a different maturity — hopefully. You’re more evolved. And you have real clarity on what you want and, more importantly, what you don’t want.
By now, you’ve figured out what’s truly important in life and what’s not. The things that got you into a tizzy when you were 35, don’t affect you as much or at all today.
Who Cares?
I have a friend who constantly complained about how her husband dressed. She complained to him, her friends, and anyone who would listen. It was all,
“I can’t stand the shirts he wears. I buy him clothes, and he won’t wear them. He looks sloppy.”
There was too much complaining, and her marriage didn’t last.
With mature love, you don’t care about nonsense like that. It doesn’t matter.
By age 50, your heart has likely been broken multiple times. Maybe you even broke a heart or two. You might have experienced both financial wealth and financial turmoil. You’ve been laid off, quit, and started a new career. One or both of your parents may have died. You’ve lost a friend or two to cancer. You’ve buried a dog and a kitty.
So the ridiculous criteria you had in your younger years going into a relationship simply don’t matter anymore.
Independent, Strong, and Vulnerable
By age 50, you realize that finding a life partner isn’t the thing that completes you. You’re independent. A relationship at this age is like decorations on a cake. You’re already many-layered, and your life is sweet. The years you’ve lived have made you strong. But you’re not afraid to share your feelings and show your vulnerability.
A relationship today makes life richer than it already is.
Two Things Must Change to Find Love
I. Your Mindset
In fact, it’s all about your mindset. You’ve got to believe in possibilities. Too many people say,
“I’m not going to find anyone. I’m too old.” “No one wants to be with me, I’m not young anymore. They only want young ones.”
Of course, there are people in the world who haven’t evolved by the time they’re 50 and look in the wrong places for the wrong thing.
But that’s not you.
Because you believe in what’s possible. You’re open to new people, activities, and ideas. You’re looking to make a friend first, and if it turns out to be much more, then that’s wonderful. That’s the beautiful flower on top of a cake.
If you go into a relationship with the idea of making a friend and being a friend rather than evaluating them as a life partner, you’re more likely to pick the person who’s right for you.
With this evolved and mature mindset, you find yourself more open than you were in your 30s and 40s. You’ve lived life. You know in your heart that life isn’t fair because you’ve lived it.
II. You can be alone.
You’re ok with being alone. Because that means you’re comfortable with yourself.
You’re not needy and don’t believe a relationship will cure your problems. That’s a 28-year-old mindset. That’s not your mindset today.
Another benefit of being ok with being alone is that you’re less likely to embark on a relationship with someone who isn’t right for you. You’re not in the business of settling when you’re 50+ years old.
Bitter and Lonely
What happens if you are overly needy and don’t open your mindset to possibilities?
You could end up being a very bitter person. You’ve been around these people. You know bitterness is not an attractive trait.
Or, you could get into a relationship — but with the wrong person. You’d be awfully lonely. Being lonely in a relationship is one of the most terrible places to be. Don’t settle.
Sweet Rewards
Love after 50+ is probably the sweetest love you’ve ever experienced.
You discover that in maturity, the things that bugged you in your early life don’t matter much anymore.
You both have wrinkles attesting to a life well-lived. There might be gray hair — or no hair. Cellulite and hot flashes. Those things don’t matter.
Keep yourself open to the wonderful possibilities in midlife and beyond. Be ok with being alone. Before you know it, you’ll make a friend. And who knows where that might go.
